If there is one thing that makes me laugh out loud its how seriously the British (or 'Royaume - Uni null pwoi' to give them their real name) take the Eurovision song contest.
Britain/Royaume-Uni. Get it into your fucking thick heads. YOU CANNOT SING.
It wouldn't matter if a choir of Angels got up on that stage and sang a selection of hymns written by God himself. If those Angels were British they would make the hymns sound like they were sung by Mark 'Barney' Greenway out of Napalm Death ..... with a head cold.
And yet despite this fact good old Royaume-Uni null pwoi continue to enter someone into this competition every year. And every year its the same result. They fail to win. The last time team Royaume-Uni won this competition was when they paid Katrina Leskanitch (better known as Katrina out of 80's one hit wonders 'Katrina and the Waves') to sing the UK entry. Sadly shes a Canadian and about as British as Britney Spears. But hey....lets not worry about that eh.
If you want a real laugh why not follow this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu5kgSeZHfw
Its 'Royaume-Uni-Null-Pwoi' doing what they do best way back in 2003. Of course despite the fact 'Jemini' were probably the worst Eurovision act since the conception of this comical competition, the girl singing was completely tone deaf and the whole of Europe laughed for months the Brits turned it round and blamed the fact that NOBODY IN EUROPE GAVE JEMINI A SINGLE POINT on the fact that Britian had just invaded Iraq and Europe were pissed off about it.
So who sung for the plucky Brits this year??
You know what??
I havent got a clue.
All I know from looking through todays Sunday Sport it was some buck toothed black Sheila singing with Andrew Lloyd Webber (another good looking Pommie bastard) on piano.
And they came 5th.
FAIL
.
Sunday sport?..So here we have an aussie pervert slagging the UK off! AND..if the UK singers are so crap why do Australia have OUR Welsh choirs over there to sing!
ReplyDeleteWe didn't send our criminals to Australia for nothing. You can keep your bush fires, droughts, poisonous snakes/spiders and crocodiles. WTF have Australia ever invented ?
ReplyDeleteHere's a list of some of the gifts Britain has given to the rest of the world.
Modern Olympics
Police
Vitamins
DNA
The Underground Railway
IPod
Sparkling Wine
The Toilet
Electric motor
Smallpox Vaccination
Telephone
The Jet engine
Gravity
The Internet
The Light bulb
The Computer
The Industrial revolution
Viagra
The Vacuum flask
The Sandwich
Portland cement
The Steam engine
Television
Road cats eyes
The Hovercraft
The Pneumatic tyre
The Lawn mower
The Vacuum cleaner
The Tin can
The Adjustable spanner
Our sporting gifts to the world include:-
Association football
Rugby (both codes)
Cricket
Golf
Hockey
Ice hockey
Rounders
Badminton
Lawn Tennis
Table tennis
Snooker
Bobsleigh
Curling
Darts
Most of the major pop stars for the last 50 years are Brits or American. Name an Aussie band as big as the Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Who. Oh...Yeah, Rolf Harris and Kylie 'n her sister. Ha Ha Ha. The most well known Aussie after Crockodile Dundee is Skippy the bush Kangeroo.
There will never, ever be an Aussie to match the Greatest ever Englishmen, Alfred the Great. Look him up and awe at this mans deeds.
And Harold Godwinson whilst your at it.
If all the women in Britain are ugly, what brings all you Aussies over here to crowd our green and pleasant land. Could it be you're tired of shagging sheep?
Aethelstan.