British Food is SHIT

From the first second my plane touched English soil at Heathrow Terminal 4 and I went for my first meal in England I immediately noticed something.

BRITISH FOOD IS SHIT.

How can a place so close to gourmet experts like France and Italy sustain itself with a national cuisine of such SHIT?

Check out the 'Full English' breakfast in the picture. Fatty bacon. Egg fried in grease. Baked beans in tomato sauce. A slice of bread fried in oil. Mushrooms boiled in butter. Black pudding (a uniquely British delicacy consisting of pigs blood and congealed fat in a sausage shape.) And then they fry it. In grease.

And then there is the Full English's crowning glory.

THE BRITISH SAUSAGE.

I checked the meat content on a bag of Marks & Spencer basic pork sausages this morning and found it's meat content was just below 47% pork.That's not really a basic pork sausage is it. Less than half pork? That's like me claiming I'm a basic 12 foot man."How tall are you?""Basically, I'm 12 foot tall. Some of it is me, about 47%, and the rest is something else"


And it get's worse. Marks & Spencer are a posh supermarket over here. I went to Sainsbury's and found the pork content of their Basic Pork Sausages was 32%. Less than a third!! LESS. At what point do we say, this is not meat. 1%? Half a percent? At what point does the label on a pack of Pommie sausages go from "Pork Sausage" to "Not really pork sausage"?


So what is in a sausage if it isn't meat? Giblets? Guts? If only. It's sausage substitute. It's called Rusk. Part wheat, part gluten, and a sprinking of Ammonium Carbonate. Fucking hell.


Consider that for a moment.The English sausage, (itself a substitute for meat) is mostly filled with a substitute for sausage.The tragic thing is the sausage is Englands pride. It's the banger in the mash. It's what makes a full english, full. And you can't even get that right.


You pathetic bastards.


I mean I've eaten some not particulary nice sausages back in Australia in my time, but I can tell you, more than one in three bites had meat in it.


England, your food makes me vomit.